Fairly Odd Parents: Hope
by Code.Michi
Summary: Timantha is afraid of loosing the only boy she ever loved. She's afraid to tell him who she really is. Read along to find out her true feelings she's unwilling to share with anyone else.


_"A long time ago, I did something that I never thought i was capable of. I talked to Trixie Tang, as a girl. To this day I'm still amazed at how it all worked out. Thinking back on it now, I'm scared. Scared beacuse I have created an alter ego, an alter ego that has become my escape, my crutch. I used to think that dealing with my evil babysitter was the worst thing that could happen to me. Boy was I wrong. Looking back on how bad things got so fast, is a little unsettling to say the least. I still want to tell you who i really am, but I'm afraid you'll turn me away. I'm afraid that what we started to have would quickly fall apart just as fast. More importantly... I'm afraid that I would loose the only boy i can say i truly love._

 _Strange huh? Never would have dreamed I'd fall in love with a boy. Actually I never thought I could fall in love with one of my best friends. This alter ego of mine has given me the chance to see a side of you i never knew existed.That smile you show me whenever i feel sad. Those strong arms that protect me when I feel scared and alone. The love i see in those eyes everytime i look at them. I often ask myself, is it possible to fall so deep in love with someone that you loose all sense of self? All sense of purpose?_

 _Everytime i get the courage to tell you the truth, I'm reminded of my confrontation with Trixie. The hate and betrayal i saw in her eyes destroyed me. I never intended to lie to her. I never wanted to hide who i was, but i was so caught up in the happiness i brought her, i guess it was only a matter of time huh?_ _Sometimes I wonder if things could have been different if I had just been honest from the beginning?_

 _I tend to think maybe things wouldn't have been so bad if she didn't find out the way she did. Oh well. I made my peace. At least I think I did, I don't really know._

 _The days go by and I'm caught thinking of you and her. My love for you is strong, but she still manages to slip in my mind. I'm scared. I'm scared I might be falling for her again, scared that I might betray you. The only one who stayed by me at my lowest. What should I do? I'm once again lost. Lost in this stupid, pitiful, painful, yet beautiful thing we all call love. Maybe one day things can work out between us._

 _I want to wish it true, but lately my wishes have missed their mark by miles. Maybe I'm loosing touch with it all. I try to act strong for you, but we both know how weak I really am. You'd always tell me how strong and beautiful I am, but I'm not strong. I'm small, weak, fragile. I look to you for strength. The strength to stand, strength to rise up and try to be someone you deserve, but lately I just don't know. Everything is swirling. My emotions are all out of control, I'm pushing everyone away, and I'm scared._

 _Huh, scared, that one word always finds its way to me. Strange huh? I always considered myself brave, but that night long ago, you showed me what real bravey was. Surrounded against all odds, beaten half to death, and you still wouldn't leave me._ _I still ask myself why? Why would someone like you risk their life for a screw up like me? I have all the power in the world at my disposal, yet I still manage to make everyone's life around me harder._

 _Fear, it's something that's slowly starting to take ahold of me. You, my light, are fading. Each night I lay awake looking into the abyss to try and find you, but still you're not there. Once again reality sets in and I'm faced with the strong desire to erase it. It's done nothing but take away the things I love time and time again._

 _Maybe I'm just overthinking things. I've never been this stressed out or this riled up, but it feels like if I keep hiding this from you, my fears will become true. I don't want to loose the only thing that keeps me sane, makes me happy._ _Well besides my goldfish of course. It been a while since I've last seen you. I know your worried about me, word travels fast in these parts. I want to see you, but what would I say? What could I say? Just the thought of being next to you drives me insane it's crazy._

 _I always read that if you really love someone let them go. If I never see you again does that mean I love you? I want you to know that my feelings, my love for you are real. These feelings are too strong and every moment I wait to tell you is eating me alive. I wonder how those people can handle long distance relationships? If I feel like this just thinking about you, then I don't know what I'd do if I'm half way across the world._

 _It seems my time is running out. I look back on how things between us started. Me caught in the rain crying my eyes out while I slowly, willingly let the friend of the one I used to love strangle me in hopes of taking the pain away. You saved me, told me that even though things looked bad, there's still so much to live for. That night I fell in love with you. In those arms I felt warmth, safe._

 _I think I will tell you who I really am. Even though I'm scared half to death about what your reaction could be, or how you would see me from now on, I can only hope that our past can help you see that even though I have changed, I did it for the only boy I could ever love! "_


End file.
